i. Un limit your self

ii. Assert your uniqueness – Be yourself

iii. Lose yourself in others

iv. Find your purpose in life and stick to it

v. Create satisfying and lasting relationships

vi. Be honest, fair and truthful in all dealings

vii. Try the unorthodox or the untried

viii. Balance your person and system

ix. Strive towards achieving your potentials and self actualization

x. Create time to listen to yourself and your God

xi. Believe in your Creator and accept your helplessness as a human being.

xii. Do the things you love doing and do them well

xiii. Think, speak and act positively

xiv. Realize your weaknesses and cope with them through acceptance

xv. Find your happiness within you, rather than outside

xvi. Learn to see, observe, play and live

xvii. Be childlike

xviii. Struggle to leave impression behind; no matter where you find yourself

xix. Learn to cope with the difficult, the sad, the untoward and learn from them

xx. Do not be afraid to make mistakes but explore

(i) unlimit your self

Most human beings limit themselves through thoughts, fears, ideas or actions. They set limits for what they can achieve or involve themselves in unnecessary fear. They turn themselves into weaklings because they do not dare. Such people sees mirages and treat them as real things. The key to correcting this is by one unlimiting oneself. You can unlimit yourself by trying to access your personality through estimating, and evaluating who you are. When you do this, you will be able to know your strengths and weaknesses and in some instances your limitations.

For you to evolve yourself, you now need to overcome your limitations and have it within you that no human being has been able to exploit all his innate abilities. This means that everyone of us has got potentials that we do no think we had because we had not faced situations that bring such potentials out. It means you achieve what you want to achieve because you believe it is what you want to achieve. You cannot, if you think you cannot. When you limit yourself, you are not able to move forward. Always strive to break the unnecessary limit which society, associations, family, culture, gender and others have set for your or those you have set for yourself by your thoughts and imagination. The following anecdote graphically explained the problem of limiting oneself. A man embarked on a journey to a distant town. As the journey progresses, he started thinking of the things he is expected to achieve in the other town. His concentration was on his actions in the town when he perceived a big tree on the road. Without reaching the tree, he turned his car and went to take a longer road, which delayed him and made him not to achieve his aims.

Another man was also on the road, he perceived the tree as the other man did but he decided to reach the tree before taking a decision. As he reached the point where the tree is, he found out that it was a big tree beside the road that casts its shadow on the road making it look as if the tree had fallen across the road. He went on and achieved his aims faster than the one who turned back.

This story clearly points out to us that our limitations are just our own iimaginary fears. If we are able to overcome our inner fears and have faith then we will achieve our aims in life, and be a better person.

(ii) assert your uniqueness i.e. Be Yourself

Every individual is a unique being. You should ask yourself who you are? What are your strengths? Know that you are made differently from others. Assert those things that satisfy you and leave those things that do not satisfy you. When you start making yourself known, people begin to know you. You have to make yourself stand up for something. Be your self and not somebody else’s image. By the time you start doing this, you will be building your own self-image. Sometimes, you need to get your inner self out for people to know. The person that created you had a reason for creating you the way he created you. When someone says you are something negative, do not just accept it, but find out the truth by yourself. When you want to do is right, you do not need to fear or conform because everybody conforms. By becoming known for a stand or a way of doing things people respect you for your views though they may disagree with you. Sitting on the fence does not reflect a positive self concept though ability to compromise in some cases (where necessary) shows positive aspect of self image.

Try to understand that you are different from every other person and that what fits you does not fit another person. What you are able to do, others may not and cannot do them. If this is accepted, you must then begin to assess yourself differently inability to love one self leads to the inability to accept oneself. The question, however, is if you do not love your self who will then love you. If you do not accept yourself, who will accept you? If you do not study yourself who will study you and finally if you do not know yourself how will you know other people? How will you give out what you do not know of yourself or that you do not know you have of yourself to others? Ignorance in self-knowledge is not bliss, rather it is a stumbling block in forming long lasting relationships and self-actualization

An individual with a low self esteem will not be able to share with others or maintain interpersonal relationships. This means an individual with a negative self concept will not be able to maintain a lasting and enhancing relationship. A person with an over developed self concept will also have problems in maintaining a relationship because he feels he is more important than others or is better than they are. This determines how he reacts to issue and people. So in asserting your uniqueness, you must take into consideration the nature and uniqueness of others that you are involved with. Your right to uniqueness stops where other people’s rights to uniqueness starts.

(iii) lose yourself in others

This means you must give more of your time, more of your actions and more of your talents to develop other people. By trying to help others, you will be helped in return and people will love you for that. As you struggle to better other people’s lives, you begin to gain confidence because you find out that you are working for them and able to see them developing.

In order to lose yourself in other people, you must find yourself. If you do not find yourself how do you know what you are going to give to others? You need to create time for others and not be like others? You need to create time for others and not be full of yourself alone. A man that gives a rose to another retains the fragrance of the rose. In helping others, you may be leaving your interests uncatered for but other people will be placed in your path to cater for you. As you lose yourself in other peoples’ activities-positively though-you find out that you get more enriched. As you get enriched and enhanced you become a better individual. Your self concept becomes better developed, more positive and above all you are able to have a lot of satisfying relationships. Your ability to communicate also becomes enhanced because those you have touched will always like to be linked to you.

determination or consistency

The individual needs to know that developing a positive self-concept is not a one-day magic or a one-short miracle. Self-concept is a life-long issue and one that transverses the cradle to the grave. It is instalmental in nature and like a pyramid it is a step-by-step development. This is where the factor of determination and consistency comes into play. To evolve a positive self-concept takes tact, hard work and a lot of grit; you must have a stick-to-it ness. Your must be consistent and determined.

Consistency and determination help you to focus and stay glued to your idea of self, which you have formed no matter the constraints or problems you are facing. This means that the ability to consistently reinforce positive aspects of your self-concept and the determination to reject, correct and erase the negative areas of your self-concept decides whether you will have a positive or negative concept. The two factors also work negatively. You can be consistent in reinforcing the negative sphere of your self-concept while being determined to suppress the positive areas of your self. No matter what you do however, in the end you need to understand the fact that the image you get finally is your own creation. You will also reap the effects of the image.

experiences

We are in this world to experience and go through situations and incidents that will make us mature and grow. These experiences can be good and pleasurable or they can be bad and harrowing. The kind of experience that we have will surely affect the development of our self-concept. When we go through bad experience it can mature us or it can destroy us. If we go through the experience believing that there is the need for the bad experiences, since one cannot get the sweet juice of an orange without squeezing it; then we come out to such experience chastened, matured and with a high positive self concept. If we take the bad experiences however as punishment or unnecessary, we develop a sense of guilt and this affects our self-concept.

However, if we look at the bad experiences as something that is externally sourced or as something, which we are not responsible for, then we may allow such experiences to destroy our being and change us totally. We may decide on vengeance, become hardened or tune into an unfeeling and non-compassionate individual. In cases like the above, self-concept becomes affected negatively. We then suppress the self we had before the experience and take up a ‘self that is not our own. The new self may be bad and this will further destroy our positive self-concept.

positive self concept and self-actualization

checklist for developing a positive self-concept

You can develop a positive self-concept by carrying out the following steps effectively. Though there are other steps in addition to the one listed below, but these twenty are basic and mastery of them gives a fulfilling life and helps develop a positive and outstanding self. A positive and outstanding self makes it possible for the individual to partake and appreciate interpersonal communication; it also helps the individual to develop good interpersonal skills. A good development of interpersonal skills leads to the cultivation of good communication skills by the individual. This means that if the individual cultivates a good and enriching self-concept, he becomes a better communicator who is able to reach himself, connect with others and develop his potentials thereby developing his community and society.

Gagnestreet: This Too Shall Pass

Gagnestreet: This Too Shall Pass: " This helps inspires me. Creativity brings the best out of you, but it involves a lot of hard work. The final product gives immense satisfaction like a life well spent"

Who do you want to be?

Introduction

In this and next set of posts, we will be examining ways of improving one self and also explore how you can develop your self concept and re-engineer your being and self. We will also try to discuss those steps that make it possible for a person to develop and achieve one's aims and objectives. The main point is not in falling but that as one falls, one keep rising. Happy reading and your comments and questions are welcome.

self concept

Self-concept is about the individual’s perception of himself. It consists of self-knowledge, self-esteem and self-ideal. Every individual has an image or picture of himself. This image however depends on what he knows about himself. This means what does the individual know about himself physically, psychologically, spiritually etc.? A good self knowledge helps the individual to develop a positive self esteem, that is, the positive image which the individual has got of himself; what he thinks he is or how he carries himself which results in how he sees himself or places himself within the society. Self-ideal is the role or model, which the individual has in his mind to become, that is, his ideal. The achievement of this ideal leads to self-actualization. In order to develop a good self-concept and esteem, the individual needs to believe in himself and not hate himself. Some individuals do not do this; they do not like their self-hood. They tend to criticize who they find themselves to be. This is wrong, one is expected to study himself and understand who he is and correct his defects. Self-concept is enhanced through self-development and the image of yourself, which you create. The image you want the world to have of you or the ways you make the world look at you.

Self-concept is affected by the following factors

· Background

· Perception

· Expectation

· Limitations

· Thinking

· Determination or Consistency

· Experiences

background

The upbringing and the background of an individual determine his/herself concept. The way and manner through which an individual looks at himself is dictated by what he learned while growing up. A person’s background contributes greatly to the kind of person and personality that becomes developed in later years. This background determines the image, which the individual creates for himself and therefore his self-concept. The individual’s background dictates how he talks, thinks and acts. Habits and character contribute greatly to an individual’s personality and self-image, which in turn will affect his self-concept. Since background contributes a great deal to a person’s character and habits, it is logical to believe that it will after an individual’s self-concept.

perception

Perception is the way we view or look at things, issues or the world. It is the way we accept and assess stimuli that are fed to us by the environment and other factors. The way in which, we as individuals, look at life. Perception also means the manner or the view, which we have concerning situations, incidents, ideas, people and experiences. Our perceptions affect our self-concepts. They also affect the way we carry ourselves. The way we perceive the world, that is, the way we feel and see the world, determines what we become as a person and thereby our self-concepts. If an individual perceives the world negatively, he develops a negative self-concept. If he however looks at the world from a positive viewpoint, he develops a positive self-concept.

expectation

What you expect yourself to do or not do, contributes greatly to your self-concept. What you expect from yourself when they are within the limits of reality helps you to evolve an acceptable image for yourself. In some cases where your expectations are beyond your capability, capacity and reality on the ground, you may find out that your self-image becomes warped, wrong or exaggerated. This may make you to live in a dream world or make you lose your mental balance. If the individual expects too much from him/her self, there is always the tendency that his self-concept suffers. Too little expectations, however, can turn you into a nobody without a good sense of purpose.

limitations

We are not created equal or equally talented. We do not have the same characteristics or qualities. We are also created with inherent constraints in our nature and personality. We, as individuals may also develop some habits or go through an experience that limits us as individuals. These limitations can be in speech, behavioural traits or habits. They can also be physical manifestations such as limping, being blind or disabled in one way or the other. The limitation can also be in areas of intelligence, aesthetic values or physical beauty. Some individuals are lifted by the environment in which they are born or as a result of the social class they belong to. These limitations can affect the way the individual thinks and sees himself either positively or negatively. The shy, introverted or withdrawn individual may be reacting to a limitation within him or her. The overly extroverted individual may also be trying to cope with a perceived limitation. These kinds of behaviour will affect the way both communicate. This is turn will also affect their different self-concepts. Limitations can affect one’s self-concept in many other ways than above. The man that becomes rich or successful aggressively and does not want to see, think or hear about his poor background may be running away from what he perceived as a limitation. The one that is deprived of love while growing up but becomes very rich and turns into Father Christmas who in spite of receiving insults on his giving may be trying to buy favour and love through money. This limitation of his has become an unfavourable aspect of his self-concept.

The individual needs to understand that when limited in any way he must not use it as a means of projecting himself negatively or developing a negative self-concept. There is no limitation that cannot be turned into a positive advantage. The stories of Helen Keller, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Norman Pearle, Abraham Lincoln, Obafemi Awolowo, and M.K.O. Abiola among others show that human beings can always overcome their limitations and develop positive self-concept. The lives of Adolf Hitler, Idi-Amin Dada, Sanni Abacha, Mobutu Sese Seko and other numerous dictators also show the fact that man’s inherent limitations or weaknesses can also be used in creating negative self-concepts or images for the individual. This means that the individual’s limitations can make or mar him depending on the decision he takes. If he looks at the limitations as block barring his way, then his way will be blocked but if he looks at them as building blocks or paving blocks then he will build a place for himself or a path way. He will also be able to evolve and develop a positive and fitting self-concept, which in turn enhances his communication.

thinking

Thinking is the basic ingredient of human life. Human beings are different from animals because we think and imagine. We are what we think because it is our thinking that will dictate our speech and actions. The thinking patterns of an individual drive him and make him what he is? One’s thought patterns and ideas can be changed or controlled and that is why we have conditioning, chemical agents that can change perceptions and indoctrination as process being used to change people’s thinking. The advent of technology has also made it possible for an individual’s view and perception to be manipulated. The moment one’s thinking becomes dictated by other factors such as peer group, family, associations, organizations-secular, religious or otherwise media or other stimuli that come from immediate environment or other environments one becomes a slave to such factors. This makes the individual to lose his self-thinking power and focus. The moment this becomes lost, one’s self image, concept and ideal become other people’s own and not his own. To put it simply, one becomes a photocopy of the original. We all know that the photocopy though looks like the original it is not the original. Thinking therefore, affects your self-concept. This is because you are what you think. The way you think determines the person you become. Your thinking pattern can revolutionize your being and life. The kernel of success and achievement is what you think of your self. Your thinking affects and dictates the painting and picture of yourself, which you create for your self. This is because as human beings we think in pictures. Our thoughts do have forms. When we develop a thought, the thought takes form and search for like forms and since such thoughts originate from us in the first instance, when they become embellished and mature they return to us. This is because whatever we think exists and whatever exists will invariably materialize or manifest.

As the manifestations of our thoughts become fulfilled, we tend to forget that the source of whatever we have or going through is our earlier thoughts negative and if positive we receive positive manifestations. If the thoughts are negative then we receive positive manifestations. Either of these two affects our sense of self or that of our self-concept. Our self-concept affects our relationships and communication later. If we are positive minded it affects everything and everybody what we come across or that comes across us. The question then is what should be done in order for us to overcome falling into developing negative self-concept for ourselves thereby affecting our interrelationship and communications? What we need to do is to come to recognition that as human beings the only thing that differentiates us from animals is our thinking ability. We also need to know that this thinking ability is not only innate but an ability that we can control or which other people can control. How then do we control our thoughts in a way that they help us to become not only self-aware but also develop a positive self-concept? The answer to this is that we must be responsible. Being responsible means we are ‘response-able’, that is, we do not lose our ability to respond to those things that come to us. We also need to know that the moment we leave the control of our thoughts or give it to another person we become a horse, which is directed by the rider-who, is not our self-or a rider less horse which lacks control and focus.

The last thing we need to realize in order to control the factor of thinking in our self-concept development is the fact that it is our right and duty to control our thoughts. The reason being that there is only one person who gave us our thinking ability. The person is the Almighty God and Creator. He does not seek to control our thoughts. This is the reason for giving us freewill. If the giver of thoughts does not control it or limit it, why should we allow other objects, other people, other gods, other ideas and other factors to limit and control our thoughts? The only person that can and should control our thought is our creator and ourself. This is a fight we must fight in order to evolve a positive self-concept because if your thoughts are not your thoughts then, the picture of you, which you create in your mind is not you. If you are not, then it means you are not living and achieving your potential. You will therefore have a negative self-concept, which affects your communication and interpersonal relationship.

Coming Again

It's more than a year ago when I 'blogged' last. So many things happened since then and like the cliché 'many waters had passed under the bridge'. I am back now stronger and better equipped. In this new coming I will commit myself to a daily post no matter how small or long the posting will be. Look out, I will be posting on many things. Books read, thoughts about life, beliefs and existence. My stories poems and other miscellany. I am making a commitment this time and my Blog will not be without a post again. Welcome me back and keep a date with me.